One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
