I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
