why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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