SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
