I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
