I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
