you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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