playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
