i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
