Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
