I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
