I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
