So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
