Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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