why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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