I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
