I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
