Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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