i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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