That's intense
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
