I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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