When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
