I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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