i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
