smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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