dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
