Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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