I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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