Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
