you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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