Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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