hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Randomize
