Will you blow on my dice?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
