Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
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Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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