Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize