i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
