Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize