the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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