OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
