I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Duck Duck Cougar?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
