I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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