I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
