I accidentally burped into my bong.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
