I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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