It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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