Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
