He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
