I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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