If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
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She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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