Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
