That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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