sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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