You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
