CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
