i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
