You can't special order awesome
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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