god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
