I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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