Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
