FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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