everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
