i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
