I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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