when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
