my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Me too!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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