i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You smell like stripper and shame
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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