you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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