Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
