Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize