if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If i come over, it means nothing
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
