who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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