She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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