She is in my trunk
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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