why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
