I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
