my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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