Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
