The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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