my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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