i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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