Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
