Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
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This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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